Nonsense

I just realized that people who have the time to twitter every 2 minutes about how they are wiping their ass really have nothing to do. A chicago tribune salesperson just called me and after repeatedly telling them that i am not interested they tried to force a delivery on me. When they asked "how will you get your local news?" i said internet and they tried to use the most Bullshit excuse about how the net doesnt have everything... YES IT DOES FUCKTARD!!! IT IS UNLIMITED!

Friday the 13th Best day ever

Well today is the first day of the rest of my life; I am free of childhood burdens today and have officially let that which does not matter, truly slide. I was stressing so much lately, but now I am walking around downtown smiling; really smiling, like not that fake forced smile that so very often appears on my face to please others. But now I have paid my debts to my cousin, my PS/2 keyboard adaptor is on the way, as is my e-cigarette so I will probably stop smoking when I get that. Goodbye cancer, my teenage best friend outgrew me some time ago and I clung to her, trying to make the present what the past once was, but yesterday I am relieved of her and the burden she or rather I put on my heart and soul. The girlfriend that I got pregnant and I disliked very much is no longer in the picture, and I am free of all ties to her, unfortunately for my would be child, they will not know the world but since she had a miscarriage though amazingly odd circumstance I figure this is fate giving me a second chance at free life. I start school In ten days, this time for real and legitimately and with no ego I can say that I will excel in my classes and probably will be the smartest one in my class if not the school. I plan to make it to the top of the Deans list with no effort. This is my life, finally it is MY life and I live for myself and not others, all this time I had been waiting on someone to save my soul and free me from myself and my problems, but you know what? From the outside looking in I seem carefree and without worry and that Is what I am now. The only money I now owe anyone is 2,500 dollars to my sham of an old college and that is down to that amount from 8,600 so that is excellent. Once I graduate and get work that 2,500 will be nothing whatsoever. I used to be such a gentleman, that is the person my father could never see and when I think of Ron I also think about my father because they are so similar, in fact I could believe they are one in the same Hahahaha. Now I am no longer worried about dating, or love, or sex. I have all that I need and need all that I have. My life is in a pupae state, I have evolved from the larva, and soon I will blossom and be free to fly where ever I want.

Wow I just made it home, today is really a lucky day, I hope I win the lotto lmao. I was called for a job interview while I was out Hahhaha LUCK! Beautiful! Thank god!

Hello there Boys and Ghouls.

Well Brain is turning to mush, i have no idea of the time or the day. It could be tues or sat and i have no idea. Can't remember the simplest things. having trouble doing simple multitasks. Getting the jitters. IDK if its nicotine or sugar or salt but something has got me on edge. Brain malfunctions are causing body malfunctions.

Hands shaking.
Constant suicidal thoughts
Find myself holding a blade at my wrists everynight, and every day wishing for a bullet to the chest. Constantly having to hold myself back from jumping infront of "L" trains. The nicotine helps alot though.

that is what i have been supressing for over 3 years now

But its not working as well and the symptoms are arising again.

Just to not have a racing heart and wicked mind

I am going through 15 cigs a day now

now i am normal but i am smoking like a gun

cant sleep, when i do i dont feel rested and my dreams are bizarre in a way like never before.

Although i havent had a smoke in about 17 hours and i feel perfectly normal and fine. I guess i am not as addicted as i thought.

My girlfriend lost the baby; some guys who live next door to her broke into her place while she was upstairs she didnt hear them and she ended up with bruised ribs. My daughter is gone and i feel.... So.... idk....

Most Nuns have a bad Habit.

So i am on this metra train, there are two adult girls sitting across from me, Caucasian, at least 35 and pathetic. They are talking about how some guy is no longer cute guess what, you are old he is old you are not in high school anymore! And they speak of their leg braces are high tech; neither is sporting a wedding band, they talk like little girls using old buzz words like cool and awesome. They talk of maybe getting a cell phone because because everyone texts now a days.

It is so sad watching kidults who were probably preppy bitches when they were young grow this old and not change. How sad, how stupid they are. OMFG one of them just exclaimed Oh MY GOSH! I think im gonna PUKE! Now they are talking about adding people on facebook Holy Shit cakes batman JESUS in A TACO how sad an aging single turkey necked sack of shite Kidult is.

Human life seems to be about Pursuit, of conquest, of perfection, emotions, status and pleasure.