Stan

About 1 33 a.m. I don't like being a douche or a selfish douche, maybe a bit of jackassery at times but sometimes you really need a close friend to ask you are you ok? Do you need any help? And really mean it; I dont mean bullspit like good morning that doesnt really matter and you say off of reflex, i mean a friend to really listen and ask Hey... Are you ok? Are you gonna be ok? Do you need anything, any help? I know that i have no place to ask, after all i have been a stubborn asshole who has refused help for the longest from anyone, but you never know when someone is at their wits end, when someone is at a point of no return and is gonna make a mistake they will have to deal with forever. Like murder for example, or suicide, Ha laughable but you never know when your friend has been waiting on you for hours getting drunk on the booze they were gonna give you and is holding a laptop bag containing the laptop they were gonna let you have, and also in this bag is the noose they tied to snap they necks soon after they relinquish their possessions to you. But of course, you have already hesitated to ask your friend for too long because they will say you are blowing things. Yea, nothing like blowing shit, but of course you are never taken seriously anyhow, so one can only wonder if the logical thing to do would be to show your friend that they should have asked. That they should have inquired, that it is too late because you have already made the biggest mistake of your life and if you dont rot in jail then your soul will rot in your conscience forever. Because you did not have the resolve to make the right decision on your own, you needed a friend to talk to and tell you whats what for once. You needed help, but they only lightly inquired once thinking nothing of it. But that shows what friendship is doesnt it? Well now its too late.
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late

I'm on a 1000 newports now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call

Hey Friend that's my girlfriend gurggling in the bed
but I didn't slit her throat, I just poisoned her, see I ain't like you
cause if she survives she'll suffer more, and then the baby'll die too