Melancholy, True beauty, Freshness

It seems as if there is nothing new in my life. Like a constant viewing of Deja Vu. No pleasant surprises apart from the sheer coincidence of chance or fate. I have heard every word spoken to me, it is all stale in my ears and exits their mouths like rancid stale breath of a corpse. With myself being an Undertaker's Apprentice I know all too well what that smells like. What sort of life is lived through boredom; it cause the necessity of eccentricity, so to get even a little flavor i have to resort to the ridiculous.

The only thing i find is consistently refreshing is the different kinds of people; they are all slightly or massively different. But i know that if i live long enough even they will become normal to me and there will be nothing new to expect. This sounds like and breeds apathy. Even now the most interesting in my life is something of my own creation. Wondering about myself becoming a father; it is too late to change anything we will just have to wait and see.

Sitting here, with Vicodin in my system, annoyed by the world, jealous of true beauty and despising those who flaunt false beauty proudly. True beauty cannot be taken away, it is something that comes from within; False beauty is something that can be destroyed with a bit of water and sweat. True beauty makes my heart heavy and i hate that. There is nothing worse than seeing someone with true beauty and knowing that they might have been yours at one point in time, but now there is no Chance. In my life i have only come across ten or 12 women and 7 or 8 men who possessed true beauty. I think of women with true beauty and think "my god if she was older, or if i was older, or if we didn't have something that would make it awkward in between us that would be the woman to save my soul" but unfortunately i do not think i will ever find the perfect one who is just for me, but in lieu of that i still hold out hope letting my life be trampled through by a seemingly endless addition of 0's.